Again, I realize I haven't posted in a while. This may be a trend. However, I haven't forgotten this blog exists and I really do my best to update with meaningful posts when I can. You all can yell at me when it becomes "So I got called 'Sir' again today. Lol!"
At any rate, today I have a thought that has always lurked in the back of my mind and was brought to the fore by reading about ABC's new show "Work It." Work It is a show about two men who are convinced that the recession is just about not needing men for jobs. So the obvious solution is to dress like women to get jobs! And this entire premise is supposed to be funny - just the fact that men are dressing like women. The jokes are all based on this, the fact that men are entering the female space and needing to assimilate, blah, blah, blah.
Alright, so what does this have to do with me and the trans* community? Well, inadvertently or not, ABC is turning being a woman into a joke. The moment this happens, society finds it easier to target those of us who are women, those of us who are gender non-conforming and those of us trying to authentically live our lives as women regardless of the way we were born. Why? I honestly don't know. Perhaps it's because society still views women as less-than. Who knows? I don't get why it's funny either. To be honest, it just gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach because that's how society views people like me right now - as a poser. We aren't *really* men or women, us transfolk, we're just pretending. Anyway, that's a subject for a different post, perhaps when I feel more like complaining....
The biggest struggle for me at the moment is that feeling of guilt. By wanting to be read as male, am I just playing right into that horrible vision that men are inherently better? I understand that there is a line between male supremacy and simply being male, just as by being white I'm not automatically going to join the KKK. An extreme comparison, I suppose, but perhaps it can help me to remember that if we truly believe every gender and every race is equal, I have nothing to fear by identifying as either one or both. At least, nothing to fear inside my own head. After all, by even worrying about that, I'm making men less than women, and that's detrimental to the cause I'm trying to pursue.
We all have our struggles and, apart from trans* issues, one of mine is being coherent. So, if I don't make sense or you need clarification, leave a comment and I'll do my best to try to make it clearer.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Transgender Day of Remembrance
I realize I haven't posted in what seems like eons - yes, I realize it's only been a month. But I'm back now, hopefully with more consistent updates, as schoolwork and life allow.
So I was thinking, November seems to be the month for transfolk. At the University of Iowa, we just celebrated TransWeek 2011, consisting of a Q&A panel, gender-identity as portrayed through art, conversations with health care providers to start making a better healthcare experience for transfolk and a screening of "She's a Boy I Knew." I wish I could say I participated in all the events, but unfortunately I was only free to attend a couple. The ones I did attend, however, gave me mixed feelings. It was amazing to hang out with people who I knew would not judge me because of the way I choose to express my gender. I even learned some stuff - surprise!
For instance, I was unaware of the severe tension between the LGB and the T communities. I mean, I figured there was at least a little because transfolk tend to get left out of a lot of general LGB[T] stuff. But the way some of the panelists talked during the Q&A session chilled me. They were all either male-identified or completely genderqueer, and they way they talked about lesbians, especially, really made my head spin. I guess there's this thing where lesbians fetishize transmen, of which I was completely unaware. I understand where they're coming from, of course. But the way they generalized about ALL lesbians (the way every community does about every other community, I'm coming to realize) just hurt. I am a lesbian. I am also trans. So... now I feel like I have to choose between the two because I can't possibly be both. I feel like, as marginalized groups in society, creating this division between ourselves will only hurt us. You know, the old "united we stand, divided we fall" thing.
All in all I think it was an excellent event, and created some good awareness. I have my TransWeek button on my backpack to display to everyone I pass on the street, even since it ended. I'm hoping for some good conversations... I guess we'll see!
Anyway, I would say "Happy Day of Remembrance" to you all, but it really is a somber topic that deserves not celebration, but reflection. So many transpeople have had their lives taken just for trying to live their lives in truth. And to what end? Just the loss of a truly unique individual before their time. So all I ask, I guess, is that you take a moment today to think of the transperson you love most or take the time to try to walk in the shoes of a transperson before you start judging them. Who knows, those couple seconds it takes to decide not to say that cruel thing you were thinking could save a life.
So I was thinking, November seems to be the month for transfolk. At the University of Iowa, we just celebrated TransWeek 2011, consisting of a Q&A panel, gender-identity as portrayed through art, conversations with health care providers to start making a better healthcare experience for transfolk and a screening of "She's a Boy I Knew." I wish I could say I participated in all the events, but unfortunately I was only free to attend a couple. The ones I did attend, however, gave me mixed feelings. It was amazing to hang out with people who I knew would not judge me because of the way I choose to express my gender. I even learned some stuff - surprise!
For instance, I was unaware of the severe tension between the LGB and the T communities. I mean, I figured there was at least a little because transfolk tend to get left out of a lot of general LGB[T] stuff. But the way some of the panelists talked during the Q&A session chilled me. They were all either male-identified or completely genderqueer, and they way they talked about lesbians, especially, really made my head spin. I guess there's this thing where lesbians fetishize transmen, of which I was completely unaware. I understand where they're coming from, of course. But the way they generalized about ALL lesbians (the way every community does about every other community, I'm coming to realize) just hurt. I am a lesbian. I am also trans. So... now I feel like I have to choose between the two because I can't possibly be both. I feel like, as marginalized groups in society, creating this division between ourselves will only hurt us. You know, the old "united we stand, divided we fall" thing.
All in all I think it was an excellent event, and created some good awareness. I have my TransWeek button on my backpack to display to everyone I pass on the street, even since it ended. I'm hoping for some good conversations... I guess we'll see!
Anyway, I would say "Happy Day of Remembrance" to you all, but it really is a somber topic that deserves not celebration, but reflection. So many transpeople have had their lives taken just for trying to live their lives in truth. And to what end? Just the loss of a truly unique individual before their time. So all I ask, I guess, is that you take a moment today to think of the transperson you love most or take the time to try to walk in the shoes of a transperson before you start judging them. Who knows, those couple seconds it takes to decide not to say that cruel thing you were thinking could save a life.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Pronouns!
So, In my last post, I mentioned how I came out to a couple co-workers, yes? Well there's been a little bit of a development there and I thought it would make for an excellent blog post!
One of the aforementioned co-workers is a straight, Catholic, female, sophomore student at the University of Iowa. She is generally very open-minded, likes to talk, and likes to listen to others' stories. We'll call her Mary. Now, Mary has always been fine with me being a lesbian and was very excited to hear of my engagement. She also refused to let me get out of telling her the reason I so glibly said "I'm not actually a lesbian." Thus, I had no other choice but to say "Well, I'm trans." That seemed to be the end of it right there. However, not three days later, we were working together again and as anyone who has spent much time with me at work knows, I despise being called "Ma'am." I don't blame the customers, because they don't know any better, but after a while it does grate on my nerves. Mary, however, thinks it funny to call me "Ma'am" for no other reason than because it bothers me. So I firmly told her not to do that, please and thank you. But Mary thinks the only substitute for "Ma'am" is "Miss," and when I rejected that as well, she became frustrated and told me there was no other option.
Now I'm a bit confused. Her reaction to this admittedly small incident leads me to believe that either she wasn't truly listening when I came out to her or she doesn't really understand what "being trans" means. Now, Mary isn't stupid. I'm sure she understands the basic concept of, at the very least, transsexualism (which most people confuse with having a transgendered identity). So, following this logic, there are a few options. Mary may have just been pushing my buttons, as she is wont to do, which is frustrating and annoying, but harmless. She may not understand transgenderism as an umbrella term for all kinds of gender expression, which is also relatively harmless and easy to fix. It is also possible that she was, consciously or not, rejecting my view of myself. This is the option I don't enjoy thinking about, as it is neither harmless nor really acceptable. Then I realized that it almost doesn't even matter how I view myself because language doesn't have the capability of expressing what it is I am, and how I wish to be addressed. So it's no wonder people get uncomfortable and confused. They have nowhere to start when it comes to addressing me, or fitting me into the box of words.
So I decided that I could give them a tool to use when it comes to us transfolk. Not only am I myself a reference for understanding the mindset, but there are always gender neutral pronouns that most people aren't even aware exist. I've been working on training myself to use them - it's a pretty arduous process. It's like relearning your own language. But if I want people to start using them for me, I have to be able to use them too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, instead of taking this situation and making it all about how offended I am/could be, I can take it and make it into a learning opportunity. Once the general public sees that they know people who are transgender/genderqueer, they'll eventually be ready to listen to us. Then we can start to educate them. It might take a while. Learning does that. But I definitely think it's worth it, to make sure everyone in this society feels accepted and that there is a place for them. It is important, however, to remember what pronoun a given person prefers. For instance, I may be partial to "ze" or "en", but if someone really wants to be "he" or "her," it's not my place to dispute that.
If you want to learn more about gender neutral pronouns, I think the Wikipedia article is actually quite helpful, not to mention extremely interesting and has links to other interesting topics. It's here.
P.S. The entire time I was writing this post, this would not stop going around and around in my head.
One of the aforementioned co-workers is a straight, Catholic, female, sophomore student at the University of Iowa. She is generally very open-minded, likes to talk, and likes to listen to others' stories. We'll call her Mary. Now, Mary has always been fine with me being a lesbian and was very excited to hear of my engagement. She also refused to let me get out of telling her the reason I so glibly said "I'm not actually a lesbian." Thus, I had no other choice but to say "Well, I'm trans." That seemed to be the end of it right there. However, not three days later, we were working together again and as anyone who has spent much time with me at work knows, I despise being called "Ma'am." I don't blame the customers, because they don't know any better, but after a while it does grate on my nerves. Mary, however, thinks it funny to call me "Ma'am" for no other reason than because it bothers me. So I firmly told her not to do that, please and thank you. But Mary thinks the only substitute for "Ma'am" is "Miss," and when I rejected that as well, she became frustrated and told me there was no other option.
Now I'm a bit confused. Her reaction to this admittedly small incident leads me to believe that either she wasn't truly listening when I came out to her or she doesn't really understand what "being trans" means. Now, Mary isn't stupid. I'm sure she understands the basic concept of, at the very least, transsexualism (which most people confuse with having a transgendered identity). So, following this logic, there are a few options. Mary may have just been pushing my buttons, as she is wont to do, which is frustrating and annoying, but harmless. She may not understand transgenderism as an umbrella term for all kinds of gender expression, which is also relatively harmless and easy to fix. It is also possible that she was, consciously or not, rejecting my view of myself. This is the option I don't enjoy thinking about, as it is neither harmless nor really acceptable. Then I realized that it almost doesn't even matter how I view myself because language doesn't have the capability of expressing what it is I am, and how I wish to be addressed. So it's no wonder people get uncomfortable and confused. They have nowhere to start when it comes to addressing me, or fitting me into the box of words.
So I decided that I could give them a tool to use when it comes to us transfolk. Not only am I myself a reference for understanding the mindset, but there are always gender neutral pronouns that most people aren't even aware exist. I've been working on training myself to use them - it's a pretty arduous process. It's like relearning your own language. But if I want people to start using them for me, I have to be able to use them too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, instead of taking this situation and making it all about how offended I am/could be, I can take it and make it into a learning opportunity. Once the general public sees that they know people who are transgender/genderqueer, they'll eventually be ready to listen to us. Then we can start to educate them. It might take a while. Learning does that. But I definitely think it's worth it, to make sure everyone in this society feels accepted and that there is a place for them. It is important, however, to remember what pronoun a given person prefers. For instance, I may be partial to "ze" or "en", but if someone really wants to be "he" or "her," it's not my place to dispute that.
If you want to learn more about gender neutral pronouns, I think the Wikipedia article is actually quite helpful, not to mention extremely interesting and has links to other interesting topics. It's here.
P.S. The entire time I was writing this post, this would not stop going around and around in my head.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Coming Out Day 2011!
Hello and Happy Coming Out Day!
My way of celebrating (or acknowledging) was a donated post on Facebook. However, to be completely honest with you all, that one post has the potential to reach far more people than I see in a day. I'm not completely certain whether that's really sad for my social life in the real world or if that's just the way of technology.
Despite that, I have had an eventful Fall of coming out! After living at my current residence in Coralville, IA for a year I finally decided enough was enough. I'm getting sick of being misread as a lesbian all the time. To be honest, it was way easier just to let everyone assume that because I'm marrying a woman, I must be a lesbian. I have nothing against lesbians. In a way, I still consider a part of myself as part of that community. There's just more to me than sexuality. So I finally told two of my co-workers and two members of my Lesbian Reading Group. I didn't go into detail, and there weren't as many questions for me to answer as I'd originally anticipated. I'm going to go with that as a good sign. To be fair, three of the four are part of the LGBTQ community and know other transfolk.
At any rate, I hope you all had an excellent Coming Out Day! I know Pride Week in happening right now for some, so... spread the awareness! We're here, we're queer and all that jazz. Don't forget to celebrate, too. We have too many reasons to be bummed out. We deserve happiness too!
Also, feel free to share any stories about coming out in the comments. It's a difficult process for anyone, so we're here to support everyone struggling with issues related to coming out. I'm not a licensed Music Therapist yet, but maybe someday I'll make a Coming Out playlist that could have a little therapeutic value if anyone's interested.
My way of celebrating (or acknowledging) was a donated post on Facebook. However, to be completely honest with you all, that one post has the potential to reach far more people than I see in a day. I'm not completely certain whether that's really sad for my social life in the real world or if that's just the way of technology.
Despite that, I have had an eventful Fall of coming out! After living at my current residence in Coralville, IA for a year I finally decided enough was enough. I'm getting sick of being misread as a lesbian all the time. To be honest, it was way easier just to let everyone assume that because I'm marrying a woman, I must be a lesbian. I have nothing against lesbians. In a way, I still consider a part of myself as part of that community. There's just more to me than sexuality. So I finally told two of my co-workers and two members of my Lesbian Reading Group. I didn't go into detail, and there weren't as many questions for me to answer as I'd originally anticipated. I'm going to go with that as a good sign. To be fair, three of the four are part of the LGBTQ community and know other transfolk.
At any rate, I hope you all had an excellent Coming Out Day! I know Pride Week in happening right now for some, so... spread the awareness! We're here, we're queer and all that jazz. Don't forget to celebrate, too. We have too many reasons to be bummed out. We deserve happiness too!
Also, feel free to share any stories about coming out in the comments. It's a difficult process for anyone, so we're here to support everyone struggling with issues related to coming out. I'm not a licensed Music Therapist yet, but maybe someday I'll make a Coming Out playlist that could have a little therapeutic value if anyone's interested.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Stone Butch Blues Part 2
I knew I'd need to talk about this book again, especially after going to book club and talking about fascinating things. So... bear with me. I promise this will be the last post solely on this book.
One of the things that was brought up in our discussion was rape, since it played such a huge role in Jess's early life and because so many women have had that experience. It's horrible, but I think the statistic is something like 2 in 3 women will be raped in their four years of college or something like that. It's sickening. It's also almost always someone you know. Anyway, we were talking about the shame associated with rape and the fact that some people on one of our members' college campuses think it's no big deal because it happens all the time. The reason I bring this all up is because I saw this reflected in Stone Butch Blues. The butches basically resigned themselves to the fact that it was going to happen to them, whether they fought back or not. They didn't have anyone to confide in and no one to protect them, since it was those we trust most for protection that were the perpetrators. I can't for one minute blame her for being paranoid all the time about the police and the health care practitioners. These are the people that most citizens trust unflinchingly. But for Jess, they are the main cause for her fears. Granted, I was quite heartened to see that post-Stonewall police were better. Not all, and maybe not even a majority, but it definitely was change.
This is all because Jess is different, too. I feel her - I too feel "stuck" between genders at times. I mean, I have good days and bad days, much like I think she probably did. Honestly, though, it just drains you. I don't think I'd make it without my support system. Yes, Jess is a fictional character (which I have to remind myself a lot because she feels so real to me), but the fact that society rejects difference resonates so clearly with me. You must be one or the other. There is no "between" in gender. This is also reflected in the DSM-IV (the current diagnostic manual for psychiatry/psychology) where there is a list of behaviors that must be present in order to be diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder and you must have the need to be the opposite gender. So people like me, who are both, or just slightly lean either way on the spectrum... well I guess we're just screwed. The DSM likes putting people into boxes, and it seems that while some people fit quite neatly, others of us don't. I'm a little nervous as to what's going to change in the next edition coming out - the DSM 5. Will they get rid of GID completely? Will they just change the definition of what exactly having this "disorder" entails? I think the latter has a far better chance of both being effective and actually helping real people instead of taking case studies or hypothetical people and forming a definition around them.
This is the thing about the trans identity. It's different for everyone. Some people simply want to cross dress every once in a while. Some people want to live full time as the opposite gender. Both of those things are great if that's what you need to get rid of the distress that's probably ruining your life (as required for diagnosis in the current DSM). So, I guess you're wondering what makes me and Jess any different from the other butch lesbians in the book. They all cross dress pretty much 24/7, do the work of men, act like men, etc. So what makes me different? Personally, I think it's all in how you feel inside your body and how society influences that. Gender is already a social construct, so there's no way one can completely ignore its influence. I, for instance, hate being called "ma'am" or "miss" or any of those titles. It's not exactly as though I'm in the wrong body, per se, though I've heard many people describe transgender identity that way. It's best explained in the words of one of the book club members. The way Jess feels "defies words." No one can fully explain to anyone how it feels, I don't think. Although, Edwin's W.E.B. DuBois quote does a pretty good job of describing it and I latched onto the quote when we read The Souls of Black Folk in class a couple years back:
"It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness,--an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder."
That's the beauty of the very last scene in the book. The people in her dream don't ask for an explanation, nor is one given. They simply accept her into their community of similar souls, no questions asked. I like to think the point Feinberg was trying to make is that if you're like Jess, no matter what you may be feeling right now, is that you're not alone. There are more of us out there. We're just harder to find. But we will accept you and celebrate who you are, no questions asked, because we know what it's like. With words or without.
One of the things that was brought up in our discussion was rape, since it played such a huge role in Jess's early life and because so many women have had that experience. It's horrible, but I think the statistic is something like 2 in 3 women will be raped in their four years of college or something like that. It's sickening. It's also almost always someone you know. Anyway, we were talking about the shame associated with rape and the fact that some people on one of our members' college campuses think it's no big deal because it happens all the time. The reason I bring this all up is because I saw this reflected in Stone Butch Blues. The butches basically resigned themselves to the fact that it was going to happen to them, whether they fought back or not. They didn't have anyone to confide in and no one to protect them, since it was those we trust most for protection that were the perpetrators. I can't for one minute blame her for being paranoid all the time about the police and the health care practitioners. These are the people that most citizens trust unflinchingly. But for Jess, they are the main cause for her fears. Granted, I was quite heartened to see that post-Stonewall police were better. Not all, and maybe not even a majority, but it definitely was change.
This is all because Jess is different, too. I feel her - I too feel "stuck" between genders at times. I mean, I have good days and bad days, much like I think she probably did. Honestly, though, it just drains you. I don't think I'd make it without my support system. Yes, Jess is a fictional character (which I have to remind myself a lot because she feels so real to me), but the fact that society rejects difference resonates so clearly with me. You must be one or the other. There is no "between" in gender. This is also reflected in the DSM-IV (the current diagnostic manual for psychiatry/psychology) where there is a list of behaviors that must be present in order to be diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder and you must have the need to be the opposite gender. So people like me, who are both, or just slightly lean either way on the spectrum... well I guess we're just screwed. The DSM likes putting people into boxes, and it seems that while some people fit quite neatly, others of us don't. I'm a little nervous as to what's going to change in the next edition coming out - the DSM 5. Will they get rid of GID completely? Will they just change the definition of what exactly having this "disorder" entails? I think the latter has a far better chance of both being effective and actually helping real people instead of taking case studies or hypothetical people and forming a definition around them.
This is the thing about the trans identity. It's different for everyone. Some people simply want to cross dress every once in a while. Some people want to live full time as the opposite gender. Both of those things are great if that's what you need to get rid of the distress that's probably ruining your life (as required for diagnosis in the current DSM). So, I guess you're wondering what makes me and Jess any different from the other butch lesbians in the book. They all cross dress pretty much 24/7, do the work of men, act like men, etc. So what makes me different? Personally, I think it's all in how you feel inside your body and how society influences that. Gender is already a social construct, so there's no way one can completely ignore its influence. I, for instance, hate being called "ma'am" or "miss" or any of those titles. It's not exactly as though I'm in the wrong body, per se, though I've heard many people describe transgender identity that way. It's best explained in the words of one of the book club members. The way Jess feels "defies words." No one can fully explain to anyone how it feels, I don't think. Although, Edwin's W.E.B. DuBois quote does a pretty good job of describing it and I latched onto the quote when we read The Souls of Black Folk in class a couple years back:
"It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his twoness,--an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder."
That's the beauty of the very last scene in the book. The people in her dream don't ask for an explanation, nor is one given. They simply accept her into their community of similar souls, no questions asked. I like to think the point Feinberg was trying to make is that if you're like Jess, no matter what you may be feeling right now, is that you're not alone. There are more of us out there. We're just harder to find. But we will accept you and celebrate who you are, no questions asked, because we know what it's like. With words or without.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Stone Butch Blues
Alright, so I joined a lesbian book group with my fiancee this month. We read three books during fall semester and then get together to discuss and such. Fortunately for you all, I will also likely feel the need to discuss the books here! So now you can also be a part of the lesbian book group by extension. Are you excited yet? Ok, I know what you're thinking. I'm not a lesbian. That's the other great thing about this group - they're very accepting and I think that as long as I still have some femininity in me, I'd be welcome. Also, our first book is very fitting in that it's all about Trans issues.
The book we're currently reading is Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. Even though I'm not quite done with the book, it's my feeling that everyone - GLBTQQIA etc. - should read this book. It opened my eyes. For the first time I realized that all these feelings I have are actually legitimate and I'm not the only one having them. Although, to be honest, part of me is now deathly afraid of being gang raped in a dark alley for being different... but I'm convinced the slight paranoia is worth it.
What I found extremely interesting was the notion of these butches being "stone" and the use of the word to describe an emotional state of being. They had to be so strong just to survive the cruelty of the world, and I was just awestruck as I read. It broke my heart that, no matter what she tried to do, Jess was never fully happy, or even comfortable with who she was. At least she isn't where I am in the book. I don't know that I could ever find that sort of strength in me or shut down my emotions so completely. I guess you never know what you'd do just to survive the world, but it's pretty horrendous to think about.
If you don't want to read the book for any other reason, you should read it for the poetry in the prose. The writing is, at times, so beautiful it moved me to tears. Not because it was sad, necessarily, but so beautifully melancholy. There is so much pain in this world and it hit so close to home. I saw myself in Jess so clearly that it scared me. It scared me even more when I saw my fiancee in Theresa. What I've learned so far from this book is that the world will try to break you if you are different. The catch is that you have the choice to carve out a little place for yourself, hard as it may be, or you can just let the world have its way with you and leave you broken and irreparable. I don't know about you all, but I certainly don't think that laying down without a fight is even worth it in the end.
At any rate, I'm going to finish the book hopefully within a few days and I will probably be bursting to write about it again then. My perceptions may change, the ending may break my heart, or it might make me want to change the world. We'll just have to see. Whatever happens, whoever you are, you should still read it for yourself, despite what I may write about it. Who knows? Maybe you'll find something different and just as exciting inside those pages.
Happy reading!
The book we're currently reading is Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. Even though I'm not quite done with the book, it's my feeling that everyone - GLBTQQIA etc. - should read this book. It opened my eyes. For the first time I realized that all these feelings I have are actually legitimate and I'm not the only one having them. Although, to be honest, part of me is now deathly afraid of being gang raped in a dark alley for being different... but I'm convinced the slight paranoia is worth it.
What I found extremely interesting was the notion of these butches being "stone" and the use of the word to describe an emotional state of being. They had to be so strong just to survive the cruelty of the world, and I was just awestruck as I read. It broke my heart that, no matter what she tried to do, Jess was never fully happy, or even comfortable with who she was. At least she isn't where I am in the book. I don't know that I could ever find that sort of strength in me or shut down my emotions so completely. I guess you never know what you'd do just to survive the world, but it's pretty horrendous to think about.
If you don't want to read the book for any other reason, you should read it for the poetry in the prose. The writing is, at times, so beautiful it moved me to tears. Not because it was sad, necessarily, but so beautifully melancholy. There is so much pain in this world and it hit so close to home. I saw myself in Jess so clearly that it scared me. It scared me even more when I saw my fiancee in Theresa. What I've learned so far from this book is that the world will try to break you if you are different. The catch is that you have the choice to carve out a little place for yourself, hard as it may be, or you can just let the world have its way with you and leave you broken and irreparable. I don't know about you all, but I certainly don't think that laying down without a fight is even worth it in the end.
At any rate, I'm going to finish the book hopefully within a few days and I will probably be bursting to write about it again then. My perceptions may change, the ending may break my heart, or it might make me want to change the world. We'll just have to see. Whatever happens, whoever you are, you should still read it for yourself, despite what I may write about it. Who knows? Maybe you'll find something different and just as exciting inside those pages.
Happy reading!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Trans Issues in Song #1
Alright, so here's a post with some real substance. We heard a song on the radio that pretty much made me want to punch the artist in question. I already had pretty strong negative feelings toward Brad Paisley, but this... this song takes the cake, guys. Maybe this is old news to some, but have you heard "I'm Still a Guy" yet? None of the sites I found the lyrics on would let me paste the whole thing, probably because of a copyright issue, but here's a little taste:
"When you see a priceless French painting,
I see a drunk naked girl.
When you think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy
and I'd like the give it a whirl.
Well, love makes a man do some things he ain't proud of
And in a weak moment I might
Walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall
But remember, I'm still a guy."
"These days there's dudes gettin' facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed.
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tackle box.
Yeah, with all of these men linin' up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized.
But I don't highlight my hair, I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy."
So... my reactions to this. Wow. Um. Where to even start? The rampant sexism? The "Small-Penis Syndrome?" The blatant superiority complex?
OK. Seriously though. There are a lot of things wrong with how popular this song is and the fact that so many people (male and female, I might add) seem to be celebrating it. Just look in the comment sections when you go to see all the lyrics - because I know that now you'll have to. It's become a popular thing for straight men to affirm their masculinity in every single way they can. I don't know why they have to... but to hear them tell it, everyone's turning gay like it's some epidemic and it's this big, horrible thing not to like fishing or hunting or basically anything that is "manly" by their standards. My question is this: Who made up these standards and why do we all feel the need to follow them like sheep? What in [higher power]'s name is wrong with being different?
Maybe I'm just jealous. Because I know - this just affirms my previous thoughts - that in order to be respected as a man, if that's what I decide I want to do, I have to conform to all of this stuff that I'm not willing to do. Since when is it "weak" to do something nice for your girlfriend by holding their purse? Chivalry must truly be dead. I don't know when it became "funny" and "cool" to degrade women. (All that "make me a sammich" stuff on the internet now? WTF?) But I sure don't approve. No matter where my gender identity takes me, I will always have to remember my beginnings as a female. I may not like to think about it, but it's valuable for anyone to see both sides of the coin and be able to connect with others who are different, instead of automatically cataloging them as "weird" or "not manly enough" or what have you. Have we forgotten how to think about other people and their feelings? Oh, I forgot... real men don't have feelings.
I'm just sick of everybody hating on everybody else. Maybe I'm not helping by ripping apart this song, but... I just can't see what purpose it serves other than to hurt others. To me, that's never OK.
I'm sure I left out a bunch of things you're thinking about, so I'd love it if you'd share your thoughts, feelings and reactions about this song in the comments.
"When you see a priceless French painting,
I see a drunk naked girl.
When you think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy
and I'd like the give it a whirl.
Well, love makes a man do some things he ain't proud of
And in a weak moment I might
Walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall
But remember, I'm still a guy."
"These days there's dudes gettin' facials
Manicured, waxed and botoxed.
With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands
You can't grip a tackle box.
Yeah, with all of these men linin' up to get neutered
It's hip now to be feminized.
But I don't highlight my hair, I've still got a pair
Yeah honey, I'm still a guy."
So... my reactions to this. Wow. Um. Where to even start? The rampant sexism? The "Small-Penis Syndrome?" The blatant superiority complex?
OK. Seriously though. There are a lot of things wrong with how popular this song is and the fact that so many people (male and female, I might add) seem to be celebrating it. Just look in the comment sections when you go to see all the lyrics - because I know that now you'll have to. It's become a popular thing for straight men to affirm their masculinity in every single way they can. I don't know why they have to... but to hear them tell it, everyone's turning gay like it's some epidemic and it's this big, horrible thing not to like fishing or hunting or basically anything that is "manly" by their standards. My question is this: Who made up these standards and why do we all feel the need to follow them like sheep? What in [higher power]'s name is wrong with being different?
Maybe I'm just jealous. Because I know - this just affirms my previous thoughts - that in order to be respected as a man, if that's what I decide I want to do, I have to conform to all of this stuff that I'm not willing to do. Since when is it "weak" to do something nice for your girlfriend by holding their purse? Chivalry must truly be dead. I don't know when it became "funny" and "cool" to degrade women. (All that "make me a sammich" stuff on the internet now? WTF?) But I sure don't approve. No matter where my gender identity takes me, I will always have to remember my beginnings as a female. I may not like to think about it, but it's valuable for anyone to see both sides of the coin and be able to connect with others who are different, instead of automatically cataloging them as "weird" or "not manly enough" or what have you. Have we forgotten how to think about other people and their feelings? Oh, I forgot... real men don't have feelings.
I'm just sick of everybody hating on everybody else. Maybe I'm not helping by ripping apart this song, but... I just can't see what purpose it serves other than to hurt others. To me, that's never OK.
I'm sure I left out a bunch of things you're thinking about, so I'd love it if you'd share your thoughts, feelings and reactions about this song in the comments.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Coming In and Coming Out
You all deserve a good story of how this blog came to be, and why it even exists in the first place, so here goes.
So I've recently come out to a few close friends as transgendered. I know many people are curious about that in and of itself, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, since my coming out was so recent and everyone is so used to thinking of me as just a stereotypical lesbian, it's been difficult for me to validate my own feelings much less try to explain exactly what's going on to other people. On top of that, I just started classes at a brand new University and I'm not entirely sure how to broach the very personal, yet extremely important, topic with my new friends (with whom I will only be spending approximately three semesters of class).
Unsurprisingly, I feel alone and trapped. And there's not really anyone to go to except my amazing fiancee who's already heard all of this multiple times and is probably sick of hearing it. As much as she tries, I know she struggles with it and can't completely understand it. I completely understand her struggle, but I can't pretend it isn't difficult for me that she does. It doesn't help that today I learned about research methodology and participated in an in-class fake study. It's stupid enough to begin with (this is a freshman-level class, and I already have a B.A.) but the moment our professor tells us to mark our gender, something broke inside of me. I spent the rest of the class period unable to focus and left class angry. Why? How could she have known she would offend anyone by the little innocuous M and F categories? What is it to her that there could be someone who doesn't feel they fit in either one? But I refuse to believe that this is just MY problem, that I just need to "get over it." I can't and I won't.
In part, that's why I started this blog. It's a small act of spreading awareness, of bringing people together in understanding - or at least trying to understand. I'm not the only one transforming, I want the world to transform, too. Yes, I'm an idealist, but we have to start somewhere and I'm sick of just waiting around for other people to change of their own accord.
So, LGBTQQIA - any letter at all, you are welcome here. It's not much, but maybe we can turn it into something worthwhile.
So I've recently come out to a few close friends as transgendered. I know many people are curious about that in and of itself, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, since my coming out was so recent and everyone is so used to thinking of me as just a stereotypical lesbian, it's been difficult for me to validate my own feelings much less try to explain exactly what's going on to other people. On top of that, I just started classes at a brand new University and I'm not entirely sure how to broach the very personal, yet extremely important, topic with my new friends (with whom I will only be spending approximately three semesters of class).
Unsurprisingly, I feel alone and trapped. And there's not really anyone to go to except my amazing fiancee who's already heard all of this multiple times and is probably sick of hearing it. As much as she tries, I know she struggles with it and can't completely understand it. I completely understand her struggle, but I can't pretend it isn't difficult for me that she does. It doesn't help that today I learned about research methodology and participated in an in-class fake study. It's stupid enough to begin with (this is a freshman-level class, and I already have a B.A.) but the moment our professor tells us to mark our gender, something broke inside of me. I spent the rest of the class period unable to focus and left class angry. Why? How could she have known she would offend anyone by the little innocuous M and F categories? What is it to her that there could be someone who doesn't feel they fit in either one? But I refuse to believe that this is just MY problem, that I just need to "get over it." I can't and I won't.
In part, that's why I started this blog. It's a small act of spreading awareness, of bringing people together in understanding - or at least trying to understand. I'm not the only one transforming, I want the world to transform, too. Yes, I'm an idealist, but we have to start somewhere and I'm sick of just waiting around for other people to change of their own accord.
So, LGBTQQIA - any letter at all, you are welcome here. It's not much, but maybe we can turn it into something worthwhile.
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